A Conversation with Cheryl Bear
Cheryl Bear is a singer/songwriter, storyteller and teacher. She has spent many years visiting Indigenous communities in Canada and the U.S., sharing her songs and stories. As well, she has become a sought-after speaker at workshops, churches and conferences, raising awareness and understanding of First Nations’ issues.
Cheryl Bear; Kevin Clark Photography
Cheryl has won numerous awards for her music, which brings alive the joys and sorrows of Indigenous life through story and song. She has released three albums: Cheryl Bear (self titled), The Good Road, and A’BA. Her highly-acclaimed albums have received three Indigenous People’s Choice music awards, two Covenant Awards and a Native American Music Award.
Cheryl has an earned Doctorate from The King’s University in Los Angeles, and a Master of Divinity degree from Regent College in Vancouver, B.C. She is one of the founding board members of the North American Indigenous Institute of Theological Studies (NAIITS), and is also an Associate Professor at Regent College.
Kolbe Times recently had a chance to catch up with Cheryl, and learn more about her life, her faith, and her passion for her people.
Kolbe Times: Tell us a little about your early years, your parents, and some of your experiences growing up.
Cheryl Bear: My mother is an Indigenous woman from the Nadleh Whut’en First Nation community, which is about an hour and a half northwest of Prince George, B.C. My mom went to the Lejac Residential School when she was a child. She met my dad when they were both working up there. Dad emigrated to Canada from Germany in 1968. After my mom and dad were married, they moved to Prince George. Moving from the reserve to a town where she was surrounded by non-native people was quite a culture shock for my mother. She learned how to adapt, but it wasn’t easy. She became a Christian during those early years in Prince George, and my whole family attended a Catholic Church. As I was growing up, we all became quite involved in the Catholic charismatic movement. They held meetings that were quite informal, with Bible studies, prayer times and music with guitars – we enjoyed it very much. I remember that one of the big draws for me were the donuts. There was a guy that everyone called “John the Baker” who used to go to the meetings, and he made the best glazed donuts on the planet!
Nadleh Whut’en First Nation lands
Because my mom had quite a dramatic conversion to Christianity, and it gave her such peace, she wanted to share what she’d discovered with her people back on the reserve. So she started taking trips back there and holding prayer meetings. I remember going with her and hearing the elders sing in the Catholic Church on the reserve. They had high, beautiful voices, and they would sing in our language – the Dakelh language. I had such a good feeling when I listened to them – it’s hard to describe but it’s a strong memory. We made many, many trips there, and my whole family would all get together at Grampa’s house, and we’d just relax. It always felt like home. I’ve always felt drawn back there, by a strong connection to the people of Nadleh Whut’en, and to the land itself.
Audio of “Story” from Cheryl’s CD The Good Road:
Cheryl Bear: “This story was inspired by Pilgrim’s Progress, and also helped me deal with my uncle’s death, who drowned in the Nadleh River when I was about six years old. For many years, my uncle’s death marked me. Writing this story was part of my healing.”
Kolbe Times: Has singing and performing always been a part of your life?
Cheryl Bear: After my mom became a Christian we were always singing. She had an old beat-up guitar lying around the house, and I decided that I wanted to learn to play it. She told me to learn on the old guitar, and if I stuck with it she’d buy me a new one. So I basically learned by taking that old guitar to the Christian Life Centre in Prince George, and when they played guitars and sang, I’d sit in the front row and try to follow along. And when I was a little older, maybe 14, I started to sing more, and I kept up my guitar-playing, too. I’ve always loved to sing. I think partly because there are so many wonderful singers in my Nadleh community – many of them far more talented than me.
The songwriting came later, when I was working with Indigenous people in Vancouver’s inner city. We started Vancouver Foursquare “Street Church” in the downtown eastside neighbourhood – one of the poorest neighbourhoods in Canada. The first song I ever wrote was after I met Richard Twiss. He’s a Lakota/Sioux from the U.S., and he and his wife Katherine founded the Wiconi Ministry, which is a great organization. They provide all kinds of practical and spiritual support to Indigenous peoples and communities. I was the worship leader at an event that he was speaking at, and I was singing typical church songs with my worship team. Richard came up to me afterwards and said how nice it was to see native people leading worship in church…but then he added, “Why do we always have to sing other people’s songs? We should be writing our own songs, and singing them our own way.” Well, that got me thinking. I said to my team, “You know what, I’m going to write a song.” So later we were reading some Scripture, and that night I wrote music to the Scripture we had been reading. Then we sang the piece the next day, when Richard was speaking again, and he came up to me later and said, “That’s a great song! But why aren’t you using hand drums and other native instruments?” I was like, “Aaaah! This guy is so hard to please!” But I realized that he had made a very good point. So, just by virtue of him asking me these questions, I started writing songs. And the next song I wrote was a doxology, and I called it Drum Doxology because I added drums to it. That was a turning point for me, and for my music. I recorded my first CD in 2005, and Drum Doxology is one of the songs on that CD.
Kolbe Times: As well as being known for your music, you are a widely travelled and respected teacher, pastor and author – and a strong voice in Canada on behalf of Indigenous peoples. I’m sure some of that comes naturally, but tell us a bit about your educational background, getting your Bachelor of Arts, and then a Master of Divinity at Regent College and a Doctorate of Ministry from The King’s College in Los Angeles.
Cheryl Bear: You know, I was the only First Nations student in every one of those programs! It was definitely tough at times. The academic world sometimes can clash with Indigenous values. For instance, the whole concept of debating and refuting and having quick answers was very challenging. The Indigenous people like to listen and be silent and think about what someone has said to them. Only after that time of quiet reflection will they formulate a response. And all that is largely unacceptable in the post secondary world – silence is not valued in debate or discussion! So I had some problems in the classes. But I gained a tremendous amount from those experiences, and I still love Regent College very much. As an associate professor there, I help them with any programs to do with Indigenous people.
Kolbe Times: Your doctoral work ended up as a book called Introduction to First Nations Ministry, which presents First Nations values, worldview, beliefs and practices. It seems like a really important bridge-building resource. How did that come about?
Cheryl Bear: It came out of working with pastors and leaders who asked me a lot of questions, or sometimes just made comments that showed their lack of understanding about Indigenous people. Don’t get me wrong – most people don’t mean to be hurtful, but there’s a lot of misunderstanding and ignorance, unfortunately. So I thought this book might be a good resource for leaders involved in cross-cultural ministry, and for other people as well. I remember one time a Christian leader asked me, “Are there others like you?” I remember thinking, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” I mean, what kind of a question is that, and what does it imply? But I want to give people the benefit of the doubt – though believe me, I’ve had my days where I’ve stormed around angry as hell, because of some comment, or someone making an assumption, or rejecting me because of the colour of my skin. At the same time, I want to be able to create a safe place where people can ask dumb questions, and where I can help, and raise their awareness a little. I think that once we know more about each other, we can start walking together.
Kolbe Times: It’s so easy to develop distorted preconceptions, and then start making hurtful and damaging assumptions.
Cheryl Bear: That’s exactly what motivates me. One thing I’ve been thinking about recently is how at church we’re always looking for common ground. People say, “Okay, we’re all Christians, so let’s drop our identities and just be Christians – let’s not worry about differences.” And what that means is the dominant culture gets to rest easy, and determine the style of church, but everyone else who goes there has to just accept how the church is being run. When we say, “Let’s focus on our common identity in Christ”, sometimes that means, “Let’s stay comfortable.” I love challenging people in that area. I like to say, “Let’s talk about our differences! Let’s explore that a little, for a change.” It’s so much richer, I think, to learn about one another’s differences and to respect them and enjoy them. But whenever we think about our differences we think about conflict, and we want to avoid conflict. The truth is that it’s often by going through conflict, and having the courage to risk being a little uncomfortable, that we learn and grow.
Here’s an example of something giving the wrong impression. Silence and humility are very important values in Indigenous culture. Plus, we’ve been silenced so many times throughout history, through harsh, harsh experiences. So now, people think we’re stupid because we don’t speak up – but I know how witty and wise and funny and smart Indigenous people are. Once you know that and see that and understand that, you gain a very different impression. It’s a shame, but First Nations are looked at as having no initiative or leadership incentive. That’s so far from the truth; we have so many wonderful leaders.
Once, when I was visiting a First Nations community, someone said, “Our chief and two hereditary chiefs are here.” I smiled, walked to the back row of the church where some people were sitting, and said, “The chiefs are always sitting in the back row, so you must be the chiefs!” I was right, and they all laughed. It is our culture to honour the chiefs and ask them to come up and say some good words; they knew they did not need to push themselves forward. That’s our way, but because of it we get overlooked.
Kolbe Times: You also have been busy visiting First Nations communities and sharing your music and your stories – and also bringing the Gospel story in a way that makes sense to indigenous peoples. Tell us a bit about that.
Cheryl Bear: Yes, I’ve been to over 600 Indigenous communities now, across Canada and the U.S. The Gospel story is the most beautiful story that I’ve heard in my life – how the Creator loves us so much that He sent his one and only Son, so that whoever believes in Him will have life forever. There’s such power in those words! It’s a story of reconciliation and love, and that love is a free gift. Yet for the Indigenous people the story was never given as a gift. It was used as a tool or a weapon of assimilation. Native people have heard the Gospel for four hundred years. Now they need to hear it in an Indigenous way, in a good way. We use native instruments and music, and we retell the great story of Jesus.
If you listen to stories about the residential schools at the Truth and Reconciliation Hearings, you’ll soon begin to realize that those schools were absolutely traumatizing for the Indigenous people. I recently was sitting with a friend after a residential school hearing, who had shared her testimony in front of an adjudicator. She had to repeat her story three times. We sat and cried and cried together, because it is so hard to tell those stories. When I hear about such brokenness, I wonder how we can begin to heal some of these things. Many of our people need trauma therapy and grief counselling. The grief is huge in Indigenous communities.
Kolbe Times: It’s so important for all Canadians to hear these stories – to know about these dark parts of our history. Maybe they can help us move beyond stereotypes and false assumptions.
Cheryl Bear: Exactly. First Nations people in Canada have known about the residential schools for a long time, because they are part of so many of our family histories – but non-native Canadians have only been hearing these stories in the last few years.
Kolbe Times: And now, after all the travelling you’ve done, you are spending more time in your own community of Nadleh Whut’en.
Cheryl Bear: Yes, and it’s been such a joy to be back there, living closer with my own people and focusing on helping my community. I was first elected as a band councillor in 2014, and then was re-elected last spring. I’m really loving it.
Kolbe Times: Plus, you’ve been working on a new project – a book for children, parents and teachers that you co-wrote with Tim Huff. It’s called The Honour Drum: Sharing the Beauty of Canada’s Indigenous People with Children, Families and Classrooms. What is the story behind this book?
Cheryl Bear: All of my work raising awareness about the Indigenous worldview has been simplified and made very succinct in the few pages of this children’s book, and in the teachers’ guide. Tim Huff and I have been friends for a long time. We first met at a Roundtable on Poverty and Homelessness organized by the Evangelical Fellowship of Canada, which brought about thirty people together from across Canada who had a passion for inner city ministry. I really connected with the group, and Tim was one of them. He has worked with poor and marginalized youth and adults in Toronto for decades, and has also written a number of books. Tim is a very talented storyteller and artist, with a gift for awakening your heart to issues that you might never have thought about before. One of his best selling books is called The Cardboard Shack Beneath the Bridge: Helping Children Understand Homelessness. We began talking about the differences between Indigenous and non-Indigenous people in Canada. And as we kept exploring the topic, he began to talk about how great it would be to write a children’s book together. One evening over coffee he asked me what would be some of the important things I’d like to tell Canadians about Indigenous people and their way of life. Well, I started naming things off, and those became the different “stanzas” in the book.
That began a three-year period – this long back-and-forth conversation with ideas for the book. We met whenever we could, in different cities across Canada. Tim also did the illustrations. Lots of times our conversations were difficult to navigate, as we talked through so many issues and misconceptions about Indigenous culture. But Tim and his wife Diane are such dear friends of mine and the journey was definitely worth it, to walk alongside them and work through all the tricky problems that come along when you put together something like this. I’m so proud of our hard work in this beautiful book, and I pray that it will shed some new light on the truth about the history of Canada for our young people…so we can all move forward together.
For more information about Cheryl Bear, her upcoming events, CDs and books, visit www.cherylbear.com
Follow her on Facebook
All photos courtesy of Cheryl Bear.
Cheryl Bear singing A’BA, the title track from her CD of the same name:
The Journey of the Magi
A cold coming we had of it,
Just the worst time of the year
For a journey, and such a long journey:
The ways deep and the weather sharp,
The very dead of winter.
And the camels galled, sorefooted, refractory,
Lying down in the melting snow.
There were times we regretted
The summer palaces on slopes, the terraces,
And the silken girls bringing sherbet.
Then the camel men cursing and grumbling
and running away, and wanting their liquor and women,
And the night-fires going out, and the lack of shelters,
And the cities hostile and the towns unfriendly
And the villages dirty and charging high prices:
A hard time we had of it.
At the end we preferred to travel all night,
Sleeping in snatches,
With the voices singing in our ears, saying
That this was all folly.
Then at dawn we came down to a temperate valley,
Wet, below the snow line, smelling of vegetation;
With a running stream and a water-mill beating the darkness,
And three trees on the low sky,
And an old white horse galloped away in the meadow.
Then we came to a tavern with vine-leaves over the lintel,
Six hands at an open door dicing for pieces of silver,
And feet kicking the empty wine-skins.
But there was no information, and so we continued
And arriving at evening, not a moment too soon
Finding the place; it was (you might say) satisfactory.
All this was a long time ago, I remember,
And I would do it again, but set down
This set down
This: were we led all that way for
Birth or Death? There was a Birth, certainly
We had evidence and no doubt. I had seen birth and death,
But had thought they were different; this Birth was
Hard and bitter agony for us, like Death, our death.
We returned to our places, these Kingdoms,
But no longer at ease here, in the old dispensation,
With an alien people clutching their gods.
I should be glad of another death.
This poem is in the public domain.
The Gift of Hard Things: Finding Grace in Unexpected Places by Mark Yaconelli
Review by Bill Locke
The Gift of Hard Things: Finding Grace in Unexpected Places by Mark Yaconelli
InterVarsity Press; Downer’s Grove, IL; 2016
First of all, let me say that I wish I had this book on my bedside table during some of the trying experiences in my life.
The Gift of Hard Things, author Mark Yaconelli’s latest book, covers an array of struggles that we all encounter – feelings of powerlessness, anger, disappointment and burnout. As he succinctly puts it, “We fall in holes. Plans fall apart. Dreams die. Faith disappears. Suffering is real. We need help to recalibrate our lives back to our compassionate, God-trusting selves.”
In a very approachable and self-revealing way, Yaconelli highlights our common humanity, reminding us – and himself – that we are not alone in our brokenness. Yaconelli also gently brings us into the light, helping to open our eyes to the possibilities for both inner growth and a renewed sense of connectedness that can flow out of that brokenness.
Yaconelli understands the power of stories. He is the founder and executive director of The Hearth Community, a nonprofit that assists towns and charitable organizations in cultivating compassion through personal storytelling. And in The Gift of Hard Things, he masterfully uses storytelling to guide us into a deeper awareness of God’s grace. The stories in each chapter, sometimes humorous but always enlightening, guide us in asking the deep questions at the root of suffering. I appreciated that he doesn’t sink into easy answers. In fact, I found that many of his stories caused me to pause and reflect on the twists and turns in my own life – and gave me the courage to look at them with a new, more honest perspective. As Yaconelli shows us, when we are open, humble and frank with ourselves, we begin to let go of our self-pity and wounded pride, and start to look for God’s gifts. We can make progress on the road that God has prepared for us, and not get bogged down and distracted. This book is a travel guide for that journey.
Though it has a contemporary feel, The Gift of Hard Things has an ancient foundation. It’s an updated, articulate Job, Proverbs, Psalms, and Ecclesiastes, joined at the hip. It unites the parables of Christ with the perceptiveness of John of the Cross; the holy folly of St. Francis of Assisi with the orange prison jumpsuit of Fr. Louis Vitale; the insights of St. Ignatius with the lessons of St. Teresa of Calcutta.
Yaconelli does not sugar-coat reality. He writes, “Sometimes burnout leads to depression. Sometimes injustice leads to violence. Sometimes brokenness leads to self-hatred. Sometimes doubt leads to a loss of faith. Sometimes death removes all hope. There are hard things, and there are harder things.” He also talks about how events in his own life rarely match his expectations, and that his “most damning expectations come from deep within” – judging, goading and criticizing him for falling short.
Author Mark Yaconelli
But through the very act of honest reflection, a path forward is revealed. At the end of each chapter Yaconelli offers valuable personal questions to consider, as well as a wealth of spiritual practices that, in his words, “might help you move out of the hurt and disappointment for a moment, and remember your deeper capacities for love and generosity.” For me, this was a reminder to take time to use the spiritual tools available to us, as we try to redeem our difficult experiences and move beyond them.
I also appreciated that Yaconelli calls upon the wisdom of so many others in this book, with quotes that often caused me to stop in my tracks and re-read slowly. Here’s one that rung true for me, by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.”
Yaconelli’s new book reminds us all that when we can accept struggles as a natural part of our spiritual growth (and stop wasting so much energy resenting them), then we are making room for the deeper gifts of the Spirit – gifts like thankfulness, forgiveness, wonder, and joy. I’m grateful for Yaconelli’s help in clearing out some unwanted, unhelpful clutter, and making room in my soul for things that truly matter.
Visit Mark Yaconelli’s website for more information about his books and storytelling events.
Ordinary Life
This was a day when nothing happened,
the children went off to school
remembering their books, lunches, gloves.
All morning, the baby and I built block stacks
in the squares of light on the floor.
And lunch blended into naptime,
I cleaned out kitchen cupboards,
one of those jobs that never gets done,
then sat in a circle of sunlight
and drank ginger tea,
watched the birds at the feeder
jostle over lunch’s little scraps.
A pheasant strutted from the hedgerow,
preened and flashed his jeweled head.
Now a chicken roasts in the pan,
and the children return,
the murmur of their stories dappling the air.
I peel carrots and potatoes without paring my thumb.
We listen together for your wheels on the drive.
Grace before bread.
And at the table, actual conversation,
no bickering or pokes.
And then, the drift into homework.
The baby goes to his cars, drives them
along the sofa’s ridges and hills.
Leaning by the counter, we steal a long slow kiss,
tasting of coffee and cream.
The chicken’s diminished to skin and skeleton,
the moon to a comma, a sliver of white,
but this has been a day of grace
in the dead of winter,
the hard cold knuckle of the year,
a day that unwrapped itself
like an unexpected gift,
and the stars turn on,
order themselves
into the winter night.
Christian Unity: How You Can Make a Difference by Thomas Ryan, CSP
Christian Unity: How You Can Make a Difference by Thomas Ryan, CSP
(Paulist Press; 2015)
I first met Fr. Tom Ryan in 2014 when he was speaking at Calgary’s Ambrose University, as part of a week-long event called “Global Impact Week: Catholics and Evangelicals in God’s Mission Together”. The event at Ambrose was filled with thought-provoking presentations, and also with opportunities for conversation and discussion. I found Tom Ryan to be a very engaging and insightful part of it all, challenging us to continue to dialogue, and find ways to work together.
As a Jewish convert to Christianity, whose journey has been enriched in both Protestant and Catholic circles, it all made a lot of sense to me. So when I discovered that Ryan had written a new book called Christian Unity: How You Can Make A Difference, I hoped it would water the seeds that had been planted in my heart during that week at Ambrose. I wasn’t disappointed.
Tom Ryan has dedicated much of his life to fostering Christian unity: in campus ministry, as director of the Canadian Centre for Ecumenism, as co-founder and director of Unitas, and as founder of the Paulist North American Office for Ecumenical and Interfaith Relations, where he currently serves as director.
Thomas Ryan, CSP
The book is much more than simply a “how-to” instruction guide for bringing Christians together, thought it does provide plenty of specific, practical ideas – such as hosting an ecumenical concert or organizing a speaker exchange program. Ryan also cites great examples of initiatives in congregations, parishes, the new monastics, religious communities, lay movements and social action groups. But I also appreciated his exploration of what is meant by “unity”, and his reminder of powerful Scripture verses on the topic. Jesus’ prayer during the Last Supper, in the presence of his disciples, clearly shows his desire in this regard:
“Holy Father, protect them in your name that you have given me, so that they may be one, as we are one… not only on behalf of these, but also on behalf of those who will believe in me through their word, that they may all be one. As you, Father, are in me and I am in you, may they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.” John 17:11, 15, 20-22.
St. Paul reiterates the vital importance of unity, and in fact seems to assume that there will be unity. Writing to the Ephesians, he implores them:
“I beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling…bearing one another with love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope of your calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all.” Ephesisans 4:1-6
I also appreciated the theological underpinnings in the book that point us in the same direction. For example, Ryan discusses the vision of “receptive ecumenism”, pioneered through a series of projects in England operating out of Durham University’s Department of Theology and Religion, and given momentum by international conferences devoted to it in 2006, 2009 and 2014. As Prof. Paul D. Murray, of Durham University, beautifully puts it:
“Receptive ecumenism seeks to cultivate within us the necessary prior desire for deeper relationship with other Christians…That necessary prior desire is the work of the Holy Spirit, an inclination of our hearts that finds delight in another’s gifts and beauties, that is able to recognize a fitting match between our particular lacks and needs and the other’s particular gifts.”
The message is that our diversity is actually a means to support one another. As well, our witness of Christ to each other and to the world is strengthened when we have receptive hearts. We have much to gain from “finding delight” in one another, and nothing to gain from building walls.
Brother Roger, founder of Taizé – photo by Sabine Leutenegger
The stories in the book of the many faith groups who are getting ecumenism right, such as L’Arche, bring much hope. One that I can relate to is Taizé. My wife and I have belonged to a Taizé choir for many years, ministering to the chronically ill with the gift of meditative music, Scripture readings and prayers. Taizé is an international ecumenical community founded in France in 1940 by Brother Roger Shultz, son of a Swiss pastor. It has now spread around the world, and our little choir is just one example of how the Taizé movement has united people from a variety of Christian traditions to be instruments of God’s love. And that’s the whole point – the focus is not on the members themselves, but on the people whom they come together to serve.
In Christian Unity, Ryan gives us the whole package, to aid us in working toward authentic Christian fellowship: a Biblical and theological foundation, inspiring stories and examples, and practical advice gleaned from his own extensive and fascinating experiences. His book makes for stimulating personal reading, and would also be a great resource for a study group.
If we want to join Jesus in his prayer to the Father for unity, then we must act united – with hearts on fire with love for others. Ryan’s excellent book adds fuel to that beautiful fire.
Visit www.tomryancsp.org
Expand My Heart
Expand my heart, Jesus.
Pull it and stretch it
to make there a shelter
for the widow and the orphan,
for the sick friend or colleague.
Let not your broken, naked
body on the cross ever become
for me a visual cliché.
Let it rather be a riveting icon
of a heart pierced and drained
to heal and make us whole,
of hands and feet nailed down
to set us free from our captivities,
of a head hanging limp in death
so that we might look up with hope in life.
Make me, Jesus, a great lover
in the small things of daily living,
attentive to a child’s need
or an old person’s limitation;
responsive to a loved one’s joy
or a neighbor’s grief.
Soak, wash, rinse, shake
and hang out this heart of mine
to blow in the wind of your Spirit
until it be easily folded in love.
Reduce me, Lord, to love.
Light Through the Crack by Sue Mosteller
Light Through the Crack: Life After Loss by Sue Mosteller
(Doubleday Books: 2006)
Review by Laura Locke
Sometimes you read a book that triggers some inner healing. For me, Sue Mosteller’s Light Through the Crack: Life After Loss is one of those books.
Sister Sue Mosteller, C.S.J. is an author, teacher and popular speaker who lives in Toronto with the Sisters of St. Joseph. She is also the executrix of author Henri Nouwen’s literary estate, whom she met when they both lived in the L’Arche Daybreak Community in Toronto. L’Arche (French for “the ark”) is an international organization with communities in 38 countries, in which people with and without intellectual disabilities share life together. Mosteller lived at L’Arche Daybreak for 40 years, and also travelled the world for nine years as International Coordinator of L’Arche.
Light Through the Crack: Life After Loss takes its title from the lines that Leonard Cohen penned in his song “Anthem”:
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
In this her third book, Mosteller explores the paradox of how our painful humiliations and sorrows – the “cracks” in our life experiences – can be illuminating and transformational.
Sr. Sue Mosteller. Photo by Warren Pot
If you’ve ever been lucky enough to hear Mosteller speak, you’ll know she is a very engaging, enthusiastic storyteller (check her out on YouTube). This book offers further evidence of that talent, as each chapter features a vivid story that Mosteller has encountered in her active, rich life. They include the story of a young couple faced with the news that their unborn child will die soon after birth; a man who lives his life harbouring deep anxiety because of a family secret; a respected leader who faces humiliation and ruined relationships because of his own actions. Each story touches on issues we all share; deep-seated fears, recriminations and insecurities. And as a frame to each story, Mosteller reflects on an area of brokenness in her own life.
Just as her friend Henri Nouwen had the humility to examine and share his own chronic anxieties and emotional burdens with his readers, so does Mosteller. Nouwen used the energy of his inner battles as fuel in his lifelong journey towards wholeness and self-acceptance, and managed to live in genuine community and love despite – or perhaps because of – his woundedness. He also came to realize that wholeness doesn’t mean perfection, and indeed, that brokenness is an integral part of all our lives.
Like Nouwen, Mosteller has come to recognize and embrace the power of transparency, as she openly discusses her struggles. Describing relationships in her immediate family, her life as a Sister of St. Joseph, and her years living and working at L’Arche Daybreak, she writes with candour about both the joys and challenges:
“It’s impossible to live with people over the long term and hide the vulnerabilities and the cracks. So many of the people in all three groups know my fears, my self-righteousness, my need to control or fix things and people, my addiction to food, and my very fragile self-image.” (1)
Reading the seven stories in this book, as well as Mosteller’s touching, sincere reflections on her own journey, gave me courage. I found myself making a mental list of all my habitual weaknesses, and then having a good, honest look at each one. Ephesians 5:13 came to mind: “Everything the light shines on can be seen, and everything that the light shines on becomes a light.” I started to think about the areas in my life that have held me back from living fully – my fears, obsessions, addictions and worries – and asked God for His help and healing.
Mosteller also led me to think about the importance of recollecting the people and events in our lives that have taught us something important. Imagine if we stopped being embarrassed about sharing our stories that have perhaps brought us a measure of shame and regret – but also valuable self-knowledge. It’s in the telling that we grow, and it’s in the hearing that others grow. When we all become storytellers, laughing together at our foibles and fears, true community starts to happen.
Mosteller, in this beautifully written and brave book, challenges us to join her in accepting our “amazing identity as beloved, fragile children of God”.(2) She models how to make use of our pain and stand with others in the freedom and peace that comes with truth. And she shows us that there is abundant fruit to be harvested as we commit to looking for the light.
- Mosteller, Sue, (2006); Light Through the Crack: Life After Loss; Doubleday; p. 3
- Ibid; p. 45
Things I Learned Walking
Winter bares the creek line, the skeletons of fallen trees.
Summer hides it all with green.
Don’t forge ahead, trying to take in everything.
Stroll sometimes.
Level ground can fall away unexpectedly.
Wear good shoes, layer clothes. Take enough to drink.
Have tissue with you for tears allowed in thinking.
Carry a stick. Use it for balance. Twirl it to look less
menacing, but hold it like a Jedi on mean-dog streets.
Don’t look up to gauge a distant crest.
Zig zag. It’s a longer walk, but easier success.
Better yet, keep your eye on just the ground
between each step. The path will flatten out.
You can even talk or sing, and that hill will climb itself.
Starting Something New by Beth Boorham
Starting Something New: Spiritual Direction for Your God-Given Dream
(InterVarsity Press; 2015)
By Beth Booram
You have a great, secret idea; a dream that won’t let you go. Is it just some crazy, wild notion…or a God-given inspiration…or both?
Author and Spiritual Director Beth Booram’s latest book is a delightful guide and companion to those of us with a “secret stirring within”. Booram believes that there are many people harboring a creative, Spirit-inspired idea, but who lack the knowledge and courage to nurture it into being. With this book, she takes us by the hand and walks with us along the path of discerning, defining and acting on our dreams.
Booram speaks from experience, and weaves her own story of realizing a dream through each chapter. Booram, with her husband David, is co-founder and director of Sustainable Faith Indy, an urban retreat centre in Indianapolis. She opens her heart and reveals the doubts, despair, lessons and joys of birthing this initiative. In one chapter, Booram writes: “When I began to take my dream seriously, I experienced my own internal protests. I felt inadequate and foolish to think that this idea could ever become a reality through my efforts.” Later, when faced with what looked like certain failure, she wrote in her journal, “God has plopped himself down in the centre of the path of our life as a stumbling stone. He is not budging. I think that death – death of our dream – is inevitable. …I can kick against the goad or try to go around it, but it’s useless. I choose to surrender. I choose to die.” Reading these honest feelings that Booram shares from her own circuitous path to fulfillment was actually quite reassuring.
Booram also interviews fourteen other people who found the boldness to live out the dreams, and presents their stories at the start of each chapter. Each story documents the real life ups and downs of starting something new, such as creating a neighbourhood legal clinic; starting an adoption agency; establishing a film school in Africa; training youth-at-risk in automotive repair; and founding a coffee company that employs adults with developmental disabilities, to name a few. These stories are not only instructive, but also hugely inspiring and entertaining.
Each chapter then goes on to describe a “stage” in the gestation of a dream: with chapter headings such as Conceiving, Brooding, Welcoming, Naming, Shaping, Changing, Waiting, Dying, Resurrecting, and Sustaining. The wisdom and practical instruction Booram imparts is like taking part in a “kingdom-business incubator”, as she gives concrete advice and warnings about common pitfalls. There are also carefully designed exercises at the end of each chapter, with pointed, constructive reflection questions to move us forward, similar to those a good spiritual director might ask. As I contemplate my own long-held dream (writing a novel – there, I’ve named it!) I found these questions to be powerful and helpful.
Another treat is all the wonderful quotes that Booram includes in the book. As a fervent quotation-lover, I can’t stop myself from sharing a few of my favourites:
Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am. (Herbert Alphonso)
Although it may be frightening to trust our desires, they are always fundamentally spiritual. In fact, they are often the most direct access we have to the subtle movement of the Spirit within our own spirits. (David Benner)
As we enter the passage of emergence, we need to remember that new life comes slowly, awkwardly, on wobbly wings. (Sue Monk Kidd)
God gives us a vision and then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of the vision… (Oswald Chambers)
If we want to accomplish anything substantive, both as a nation and as individuals, we need to embrace inconsistency when it is called for, support contradiction when it makes sense, and celebrate flip-flopping when it results in a positive change. (Michael, a high school student)
I’m sure that many will find this book as engrossing and as valuable as I have. Booram has much well-researched guidance to give us – and also provides plenty of food for thought. Near the end of the book, she remarks on a trend she has noticed among many faith-filled dreamers of dreams:
Beth Booram
“Through my interviews and interactions with people in my community and from around the country, I’m aware that God is up to something in these small beginnings. I notice a trend where countless individuals are feeling the nudge of God to give birth to small things. These aren’t typically large world-changing mega-businesses, corporations, organizations or churches. They are infant-size initiatives, often with a small reach. What I sense is that God is in this day of small endeavours, and perhaps through these micro-initiatives, he is weaving a web of care that will span the globe.
Small has captured me. In the past, I’ve been part of large organizations and mega-churches. During those times, much of my energy was given to “big”. I worked hard to create large venues and gatherings, spoke at and organized those venues where large portions of resources were invested. Not so now. I am investing my life quietly, in the small, in the few.”
Through this intimate and very hopeful book, Booram is investing in God’s creative work in all of us.
Visit www.bethbooram.org
Create Us Anew, O God
Create us anew O God.
Create us not novel but new.
From the remainders of our dreams
create a new hope O God
From the ashes of our failures
create a new spirit O God
From the castoffs of our words
create a new song O God
From the crutches of our lives
create a new dance O God
From the leftovers of our loves
create a new heart O God
From the pieces of our lives
recreate us O God
Hover over our darkness and depths.
Create us once again
as on the first day of creation.
This poem appeared in Mary Jo Leddy’s book Radical Gratitude, published by Orbis Books in 2002. Used here with the author’s permission.
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