Abi and Diana Pops
I’ve finally put this story to metal and it’s time to share it. It’s a story about being, a story about kindness, and a story about being kind.
I come from a big family. I’m the second oldest of eight kids. Abi is the youngest.
Abi is 14 and really loves the idea of being in a band. She’s decided that she’s moving to B.C. when she’s 30. She is REALLY big on birthdays and all parties in general. Every present is the best present she’s ever gotten. She sings loudly (and very off-key) on the swing set in my parents back yard…every day. She’s always looking for a new best friend to add to her collection of best friends. She loves Alvin and the Chipmunks (much to my parents’ dismay).
She’s a pretty awesome person.
BUT…it has not always been easy.
“Equanimity, or The Search for the Safest Place”; silver pendant with sapphire & smoky quartz
Abi was born when I was 15. I dove into loving her with all my heart. But the world around us didn’t understand how it shook our family. She had a heart defect from birth and kept losing weight, as her little heart took all her energy just to keep beating. I can’t count the nights that I crept downstairs at four in the morning to see my mother weeping beside Abi’s little stroller in the kitchen. Abi stayed in that stroller for almost two years, to accommodate the IV drip that was keeping her alive.
Pretty much right after her birth I began to lose my hair from the stress. I started wearing a bandana to school to hide the fact that every morning in the shower handfuls of hair were falling out. Not long after Abi was born I was “pulled aside” at my strict private school, and told that I had to take off the bandana, since hats or head coverings weren’t allowed. I was too ashamed to tell the male teacher that I was wearing it because I’d lost almost all my hair. I went to the girl’s bathroom, removed the bandana and looked at my patchy scalp in the mirror. I started shaking, and promptly peed my pants.
That night I went home, walked past the permanent fixture of my mum and the stroller/IV, went up to my bedroom and cried. I was so angry with that teacher, and at the rule-bound legalism at my school. I felt abandoned by my community. But there was a moment that night when I decided that retaliation or rebellion would be useless. Instead, I decided to believe in kindness. In kindness to the ends of the earth.
Something shifted in me that night. We cannot choose what or who might affect us in a negative way, but we can choose how we respond.
This is how Abi taught me to be kind. By simply being alive, she led me into a situation that was pretty harsh, but which had a take-away lesson that was strong and true. And that lesson is “choose kindness”. Choose kindness when it hurts and choose kindness when you are angry and choose kindness when you are full of joy. Let it temper you like the very finest steel. Folded and folded and folded again.
“…it feels like peace of mind”; silver pendant with amethyst & diamond
At two years old, Abi had the open-heart surgery she needed and soon got all chubby, bubbly and happy. I have a vivid memory of her 3rd birthday. My mum placed the cake in front of her and she SHRIEKED with joy and dug both hands into the cake, followed by her whole face from chin to forehead. I think maybe that moment was when I knew she would be sticking around.
Until someone with special needs shows up in your life, it’s very hard to imagine what it will actually be like. There are lows that crush you, and there are the highest highs.
When Abi comes over and we eat ripple chips and watch movies…and that is THE BEST DAY OF HER LIFE!! And so are all the other days when she feels included. When she feels necessary. When she is accepted for both her flaws and for all that she offers. And the lessons she offers are never-ending.
Here’s a few: Live with joy. Be here, in the present moment. Show your love. Try, try, and try again. Choose kindness. Don’t have me over if you don’t have ripple chips and Sprite on hand.
Abi taught me to look deeper when I meet people. She took my sharp edges and rounded them off. She is a gift that keeps on giving.
“How Down’s Syndrome Made Me Kind”; silver cuff bracelet with gemstone sprinkles
So, here is the cuff bracelet that encapsulates this story. I made it to look like a birthday cake to celebrate the pure moments of contagious joy that come with having someone with Down’s Syndrome in your life. I’ve titled it “How Down’s Syndrome Made Me Kind” to connote the hard and wonderfully poignant lessons that come with the situation of living with someone with special needs. Both sides of the coin make up the experience. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
All photos on this page by Stephanie Pops.
All jewelry created by Diana Pops.
To see more of Diana’s handcrafted art jewelry, visit www.facebook.com/dianapopsjewelry. Diana can be reached at dianapopsjewelry@gmail.com for commission information and inquiries.
